Digital Accessibility Research Overwhelm

When I began grad school, I thought I needed to do everything. The disarray of research was like a houseful of mismatched socks. This might go with this. I think I saw something that looks like that over there. Wait. Blue? That’s new! Look here, oh but look here! So much to read. So much to write! It was exhausting and exhilarating. I woke up with ideas that had to get out at 4 in the morning. I loved it.

And then I got sick.

Then, I learned about overwhelm in a whole new way. My central nervous system was overwhelmed by a virus that I couldn’t reason with, couldn’t get ahead of.

I spent 20 moons learning how to steady my systems. Live in my body. Think in my body. Find acceptance in my body. Valuable and valued time.

But as my capacity started to come back, a new overwhelm set in. I’ve missed so much. Books, conferences, papers, other people’s work has piled up. I felt sad about not being part of the conversation until I expressed my sadness to the right person. She exclaimed, “What a gift!”

Without me, the work was being done. The work carried on. It wasn’t all on me. Of course, it was never all on me. But it was in me. It is in me.

Seale has collated, written and edited the books – the context for research – that we needed. Thank you! What a gift, indeed.

Now, I can focus on my small offering. I don’t need to answer all the questions. Point out all the errors. I’m not here to audit. It’s not up to me to imagine all the solutions to all the problems. Lots of the problems probably aren’t the right problems to begin with.

I’m here to see the way I see. Read the way I read. Listen the way I listen.

I can illustrate my experiences and the accommodations I make for the Academy.

I can unhide ableism in praxis and pedagogy.

I can retell the stories that have been told and not heard. Combine voices. Invite new connections in and through digital accessibility research in education. Share crip-hacks. Sit with discord. Discomfort. Disorder and disability. That’s my offering. That’s this offering. I CanDARE.